So lately I've been pondering the future, simply because I have no idea whatsoever I'm going to do with mine. Many might be confused because I try and play it off as no big deal, like I prefer it that way, but the truth of the matter is that I worry about it a lot. It's kind of unsettling not knowing where in the world you're going with your life.
Yet every time I try and make plans, God stops me. You know those stupors of thought described in D&C 9? Yeah, one of those every single time. "Why?" you ask. Good question; I think I'm just now figuring it out, despite having this problem for a while. (I suppose I can be a little slow sometimes.)
So the shortest explanation is that, at least for right now, the what is not as important as the who (the who being God). See, that is the answer every time I ask about my future: "Just trust me." (My response back is usually something like, "Well frick." Probably not the best way to respond to God, but He and I have a mutual understanding.)
See, I think God has long realized something about me that I'm just now coming to realize. If I were to have my entire future planned out, knowing when I was going to accomplish what and how, I would probably center my life on that rather than God. God, being the omniscient being that He is, has thus let me know in no uncertain terms that I am not to plan my future; He's got things figured out already. Thus I'm pretty much left with no choice, but I'm pretty sure I'll be better off this way. (And by 'pretty sure,' I mean 'definitely sure.')
Monday, April 13, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Friends vs. Acquaintances
So not too long ago I had an experience which caused me to think (this happens a lot). I was with a group of friends and we played one of those mind-teaser games; there are a number of them out there. Well, suffice it to say I was not one of the quickest at figuring the game out (I still think too much into things, but I'm working on it).
Anyway, after the game, I was explaining to the other people there why it took me so long. As most people know, one way to deal with embarrassment is to kind of rationalize it, explain it away as normal. However, there is another reason for sharing this same information, and it has to do with the difference between a friend and an acquaintance.
What makes an acquaintance a friend for you? There is something qualitatively different between how we feel about a friend as opposed to an acquaintance, but when and why does that difference occur? As one of the people kept saying, "It's okay, Peter," I kept thinking But that's not why I'm sharing this with you. So it kept bugging me, but I kept sharing it, hoping to get a different response, the desired response. It never came, which is why I started thinking about this.
For one, I kept wondering why the person was reacting the way they did, because that's not at all what I was going for. It's only after I realized how misconstruable (is that a word?) my actions were. After realizing this, I thought about the real reason for sharing what I did, what seemed to be my rationalization for acting embarrassingly. Also, what response was I looking for exactly, because all I knew is that it wasn't the one I got.
I realized that I was hoping for a similar response from those I was talking to, hoping that they would share their thought processes during the mind-teaser game. I also realized what, at least for me, is the difference between a friend and an acquaintance. I could know the birthday, major, career, where they grew up, went to college, whatever of someone and they could still be an acquaintance. What makes them a friend is when I know something of what makes them them. When I know something of how they think, what makes them tick, their passions/desires/hates/loves, something that gives me an insight into what makes them them; that's when they go from the acquaintance column to the friend column. Oh, and they have to know something about what makes me me as well.
Anyway, after the game, I was explaining to the other people there why it took me so long. As most people know, one way to deal with embarrassment is to kind of rationalize it, explain it away as normal. However, there is another reason for sharing this same information, and it has to do with the difference between a friend and an acquaintance.
What makes an acquaintance a friend for you? There is something qualitatively different between how we feel about a friend as opposed to an acquaintance, but when and why does that difference occur? As one of the people kept saying, "It's okay, Peter," I kept thinking But that's not why I'm sharing this with you. So it kept bugging me, but I kept sharing it, hoping to get a different response, the desired response. It never came, which is why I started thinking about this.
For one, I kept wondering why the person was reacting the way they did, because that's not at all what I was going for. It's only after I realized how misconstruable (is that a word?) my actions were. After realizing this, I thought about the real reason for sharing what I did, what seemed to be my rationalization for acting embarrassingly. Also, what response was I looking for exactly, because all I knew is that it wasn't the one I got.
I realized that I was hoping for a similar response from those I was talking to, hoping that they would share their thought processes during the mind-teaser game. I also realized what, at least for me, is the difference between a friend and an acquaintance. I could know the birthday, major, career, where they grew up, went to college, whatever of someone and they could still be an acquaintance. What makes them a friend is when I know something of what makes them them. When I know something of how they think, what makes them tick, their passions/desires/hates/loves, something that gives me an insight into what makes them them; that's when they go from the acquaintance column to the friend column. Oh, and they have to know something about what makes me me as well.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Planning
(So it's been far too long since I've written something here, for which I apologize, and I'll try to be better in the future. I can't promise anything more than that, though.)
So the topic of planning has come up in my recent conversations. This is something I've thought a lot about, mostly because I'm incapable of doing it. No, it's not an I-won't-do-it thing, it's an I-can't-do-it thing. Trust me, I've tried. On the mission, you're supposed to plan every hour of every day and have daily, weekly, and monthly goals, and that kind of worked for me, but not entirely.
But all the recent conversations I've had on this topic have caused me to think about it. Mostly it's come up in my psychology classes, because there are a lot more girls than guys, and let's be honest, girls, on average, plan a lot more than guys. They write down all their homework assignments in their planners, plan out when they are going to do each assignment, and even have much clearer long-term plans. (Now, I'm not saying that every girl is like nor that no boy is, just that generally speaking this tends to be the case for whatever reason.)
Most of the girls I talk to say that it's simply my attitude that prevents me from planning, that if I were to choose to really plan, it would happen. I am not convinced this is the case. Perhaps I'm speaking too deterministically, but I don't think that everyone's personality meshes well with planning ahead.
Of course, this presents problems with my religion, because I don't even want to try and count how many times I've heard leaders of my church talk about the importance of setting and striving to accomplish goals (not to mention my parents). We should write them down, set smaller goals on the way to achieving our big goal, essentially plan out how we're going to accomplish each goal. By doing this, we'll be able to accomplish more in life.
Perhaps I'm in a very small minority, but my collegiate academic career has been exactly the opposite. Before my mission I used to try and follow this counsel, but I kind of stopped during my mission when my attempts at doing so failed miserably. Since my mission my grades have been better, despite my planning being non-existent. And the funny thing is, I'm pretty sure this is exactly how Heavenly Father wants it. Explain that one.
So the topic of planning has come up in my recent conversations. This is something I've thought a lot about, mostly because I'm incapable of doing it. No, it's not an I-won't-do-it thing, it's an I-can't-do-it thing. Trust me, I've tried. On the mission, you're supposed to plan every hour of every day and have daily, weekly, and monthly goals, and that kind of worked for me, but not entirely.
But all the recent conversations I've had on this topic have caused me to think about it. Mostly it's come up in my psychology classes, because there are a lot more girls than guys, and let's be honest, girls, on average, plan a lot more than guys. They write down all their homework assignments in their planners, plan out when they are going to do each assignment, and even have much clearer long-term plans. (Now, I'm not saying that every girl is like nor that no boy is, just that generally speaking this tends to be the case for whatever reason.)
Most of the girls I talk to say that it's simply my attitude that prevents me from planning, that if I were to choose to really plan, it would happen. I am not convinced this is the case. Perhaps I'm speaking too deterministically, but I don't think that everyone's personality meshes well with planning ahead.
Of course, this presents problems with my religion, because I don't even want to try and count how many times I've heard leaders of my church talk about the importance of setting and striving to accomplish goals (not to mention my parents). We should write them down, set smaller goals on the way to achieving our big goal, essentially plan out how we're going to accomplish each goal. By doing this, we'll be able to accomplish more in life.
Perhaps I'm in a very small minority, but my collegiate academic career has been exactly the opposite. Before my mission I used to try and follow this counsel, but I kind of stopped during my mission when my attempts at doing so failed miserably. Since my mission my grades have been better, despite my planning being non-existent. And the funny thing is, I'm pretty sure this is exactly how Heavenly Father wants it. Explain that one.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Evangelicals and their Jesus
Wow, it's kinda been a while since I wrote anything here. I need to get better at that. But hey, if this was my actual journal, it would've been 1 1/2 years, instead of just 1 1/2 months, so that's something, right?
So this last semester I took a class entitled "American Christianity" which I found rather interesting. One of the main current Christian... trends, I suppose you could say, is evangelicalism. They're very big on the whole 'praising Jesus' and 'being saved' stuff. It didn't make much sense the whole time the teacher was explaining it, I'm not gonna lie; but the very last class we had actual evangelicals come and explain it in their own words.
Now, I'm not gonna lie, there's a lot about evangelicals that annoys me, a lot I vehemently disagree with (most notably the rejection of anything even halfway intellectual by many of them). However, as we were having this class discussion the topic of Jesus came up, and the professor said something very interesting. One of the girls had actually converted to the LDS Church and had mentioned to the professor that there had been church services where she hadn't heard Christ's name even once; and entire three hours without talking about Christ.
This got me thinking: have we, as Latter-Day Saints, strayed too far in the other direction? Certainly we must address ways in how we, as individuals and as a whole, can improve; but what about Christ? After all, whatever we attain in faith, virtue, charity, etc. is only a gift provided through the magnificence of the Atonement. I personally feel that evangelicals have strayed too far into the praise-Jesus realm at the expense of the how-can-I-grow/become-better realm; but have I strayed too far in the other direction? (I fully realize that I'm part of the problem.)
I am not saying that Latter-Day Saints do not love Christ or lack a personal relationship with him, but how often is that expressed at church? I think this could play a particularly large role in our bearing of testimonies: Imagine instead of telling some random story followed by a rote recitation of "I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet," or "I know Jesus Christ lives," you could say "Jesus Christ saved me. My world was dark, dreary, and without hope; my world is bright, joyful, and without impossibilities." Imagine the passion you would put behind the latter statement. For nor matter how great your world may seem right now, when compared with what God could make of it through the Atonement of Christ, it would seem dark, dreary, and without hope.
So, again i ask: Have we strayed too far away from "praising Jesus?" I leave it to you to answer that for yourself.
So this last semester I took a class entitled "American Christianity" which I found rather interesting. One of the main current Christian... trends, I suppose you could say, is evangelicalism. They're very big on the whole 'praising Jesus' and 'being saved' stuff. It didn't make much sense the whole time the teacher was explaining it, I'm not gonna lie; but the very last class we had actual evangelicals come and explain it in their own words.
Now, I'm not gonna lie, there's a lot about evangelicals that annoys me, a lot I vehemently disagree with (most notably the rejection of anything even halfway intellectual by many of them). However, as we were having this class discussion the topic of Jesus came up, and the professor said something very interesting. One of the girls had actually converted to the LDS Church and had mentioned to the professor that there had been church services where she hadn't heard Christ's name even once; and entire three hours without talking about Christ.
This got me thinking: have we, as Latter-Day Saints, strayed too far in the other direction? Certainly we must address ways in how we, as individuals and as a whole, can improve; but what about Christ? After all, whatever we attain in faith, virtue, charity, etc. is only a gift provided through the magnificence of the Atonement. I personally feel that evangelicals have strayed too far into the praise-Jesus realm at the expense of the how-can-I-grow/become-better realm; but have I strayed too far in the other direction? (I fully realize that I'm part of the problem.)
I am not saying that Latter-Day Saints do not love Christ or lack a personal relationship with him, but how often is that expressed at church? I think this could play a particularly large role in our bearing of testimonies: Imagine instead of telling some random story followed by a rote recitation of "I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet," or "I know Jesus Christ lives," you could say "Jesus Christ saved me. My world was dark, dreary, and without hope; my world is bright, joyful, and without impossibilities." Imagine the passion you would put behind the latter statement. For nor matter how great your world may seem right now, when compared with what God could make of it through the Atonement of Christ, it would seem dark, dreary, and without hope.
So, again i ask: Have we strayed too far away from "praising Jesus?" I leave it to you to answer that for yourself.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
The Miracle of Forgiveness
So I ponder the interplay of justice and mercy a lot, how the two work with each other and against each other at the same time. You can't have one without the other, yet the two so rarely exist in a given situation at the same time.
Being as religious as I am, I especially ponder the mercy and justice of God. I came across an interesting realization as I thought about the scriptures that talk about this interplay.
If you read verses on justice, most of them say something to the effect of "God is a just God" or "God has to be a just God." (See, for example, Alma 42; there it states justice could not be destroyed or God would cease to be God, or in other words God has to be just.) If you read verses on mercy, however, they say something far different. Many of them say "God wants to save us" or "God wants to be a merciful God." (See, for example, D&C 43:24-25.)
Interesting that God has to be a just God, but He wants to be a merciful God. He wants to forgive us, show us mercy, but we have to do what's necessary.
I wonder if we are the same way. Do we want to forgive people? Do we want to show them mercy? My opinion is that we rarely want to forgive someone; if God does, however, shouldn't we as well? We shouldn't need a reason to forgive someone; rather we should need a reason to not forgive them, and a very compelling reason at that.
Being as religious as I am, I especially ponder the mercy and justice of God. I came across an interesting realization as I thought about the scriptures that talk about this interplay.
If you read verses on justice, most of them say something to the effect of "God is a just God" or "God has to be a just God." (See, for example, Alma 42; there it states justice could not be destroyed or God would cease to be God, or in other words God has to be just.) If you read verses on mercy, however, they say something far different. Many of them say "God wants to save us" or "God wants to be a merciful God." (See, for example, D&C 43:24-25.)
Interesting that God has to be a just God, but He wants to be a merciful God. He wants to forgive us, show us mercy, but we have to do what's necessary.
I wonder if we are the same way. Do we want to forgive people? Do we want to show them mercy? My opinion is that we rarely want to forgive someone; if God does, however, shouldn't we as well? We shouldn't need a reason to forgive someone; rather we should need a reason to not forgive them, and a very compelling reason at that.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Campaigning in Colorado
So this last weekend I went to Colorado to campaign for Barack Obama. One of the awesome advantages to living in Utah is that campaigning here is pointless; it's going to go Republican anyway. Luckily, this year Colorado is a big swing state. Obama and John McCain are polling evenly there, so we take trips to Colorado to help it swing for Obama.
The trip was awesome. I went on three different canvassing routes, which basically consists of knocking on people's doors and asking who they are planning on voting for. The goal is two-fold: 1)make sure all the Obama supporters are registered to vote, and 2)finding the indecisive voters and convince them that Obama is the better choice.
It's way cool to take part in the political process, especially when you're doing it with a group of friends. It's like a road trip with a purpose; I highly recommend it.
The trip was awesome. I went on three different canvassing routes, which basically consists of knocking on people's doors and asking who they are planning on voting for. The goal is two-fold: 1)make sure all the Obama supporters are registered to vote, and 2)finding the indecisive voters and convince them that Obama is the better choice.
It's way cool to take part in the political process, especially when you're doing it with a group of friends. It's like a road trip with a purpose; I highly recommend it.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Books and Writing
So this past week I took my friend's advice and decided to read a Kurt Vonnegut book. The one I chose to read first was Cat's Cradle. I started it on Monday, figuring it would be a good book to read while I was commuting, thinking that I could make it last for the better part of a month that way. Needless to say, I was done with it three days later.
I still need to read more of his books (I now have Slaughterhouse 5), but he may well become my new favorite author, provided the rest of his books are as good as Cat's Cradle, and I expect that they will be.
More than that, however, Vonnegut showed me that I'm not crazy to write the way I do. See, I've long toyed with the idea of writing a book, but I've never really been able to get it going because I've tried to alter my writing to be more like the authors I've read. See, until Vonnegut, I had never come across an author who wrote like me, so I thought I had to change my writing in order for it to be good.
Now, I'm not saying that I'm as good an author as Vonnegut; I'm just saying that I have a similar style to him. It's kinda cheesy to say this, but his book liberated me as far as writing is concerned.
Before reading his book, I had come up with a few book topics and written a few pages here and there, but I could never really get into it. In the few days since reading his book, however, I've doubled the amount of written. On top of that, I have a clear view of the storyline of my book.
It's a weird sensation, having such a clear view of what I want to do in my book. I've never had it before, and it's making it really hard to think of anything other than my book. I think I now know what I'm going to be occupying all my free time with next semester.
I still need to read more of his books (I now have Slaughterhouse 5), but he may well become my new favorite author, provided the rest of his books are as good as Cat's Cradle, and I expect that they will be.
More than that, however, Vonnegut showed me that I'm not crazy to write the way I do. See, I've long toyed with the idea of writing a book, but I've never really been able to get it going because I've tried to alter my writing to be more like the authors I've read. See, until Vonnegut, I had never come across an author who wrote like me, so I thought I had to change my writing in order for it to be good.
Now, I'm not saying that I'm as good an author as Vonnegut; I'm just saying that I have a similar style to him. It's kinda cheesy to say this, but his book liberated me as far as writing is concerned.
Before reading his book, I had come up with a few book topics and written a few pages here and there, but I could never really get into it. In the few days since reading his book, however, I've doubled the amount of written. On top of that, I have a clear view of the storyline of my book.
It's a weird sensation, having such a clear view of what I want to do in my book. I've never had it before, and it's making it really hard to think of anything other than my book. I think I now know what I'm going to be occupying all my free time with next semester.
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