Certainty

So one of the sessions at the Sunstone Symposium was about how members of the Church are too certain about some things that might not be true. I really resonated with this, because I've recently come to the same conclusion, especially about myself. I started this after the Church came out against Prop 8.

See, as with any new commandment or doctrine from my Priesthood leaders, I prayed about it to get my own testimony. The difference this time was that I got an answer that I shouldn't support Prop 8. I shouldn't be openly against it, but neither should I be openly for it. Now, every other time I can remember--other than a couple times on my mission, but that was zone leaders, not General Authorities--I always received an answer in accordance with the new doctrine/commandment/whatever. Until now.

At first I thought I must've misinterpreted my impression, so I prayed again. And got the same answer. This process was repeated a good 4 or 5 more times before I finally decided that I hadn't been mistaken after all.

Except now what?

Suddenly if supporting Prop 8 wasn't right for me, what about other declarations from the General Authorities? Could I trust them? If so, for how long? I was reminded of polygamy and blacks and the Priesthood, where the Church completely reversed its position. What could I be certain about?

Since then I have been systematically going through different aspects of the Gospel trying to figure out whether it's actually an eternal princple or law, or whether it's something subject to change; and thus not something I should be completely certain about.

(See, I worry about what would happen if I was certain about something that the Church then reversed directions on. Would my faith sustain me?)

Either way, I have found precious little that I can actually be 100% certain about. Faith, love, prayer, scripture study, the Atonement and Plan of Salvation, that this is God's Church; a few other things, but much less than others seem to think I should be certain about. You know, though, I don't think I agree with them.

Life Problems and Math Problems

So my brother-in-law said something interesting that got me thinking. He said that problems in life are not the same as math problems, which got me thinking.

Many times we approach life problems the same as math problems. We look at it, think about it, and then ask God what the correct answer is. We get an answer and then go on our merry way.

Unfortunately, too often we misunderstand what God is saying. God very rarely gives us the answer, or the end result, to the question. Think of an algebraic equation that has multiple steps. God will tell us "Do this," giving us the first step, and we think that's the answer. Rather than saying, "This is where you'll end up," He's saying, "This is what you need to do right now."

Life problems really aren't like math problems. We don't know the end, that's God's job. We just have to take it one step at a time and trust in Him, which makes it sound much easier than it actually is. I wish you luck.

Blog Changes

So I suppose you probably noticed the changes in my blog. Well, I kind of got sick of the old layout, so I wanted to change it up. (It's slightly deeper than that, but the full explanation will be forthcoming.) The current layout is a little too bland for my taste, but it's a step in the right direction, at least as far as my vision for the final layout is concerned. I'll probably be making slight changes here and there periodically over the next few weeks until I've got it where I want. Hope you like it! Though to be honest, it doesn't really matter if you don't, because it won't change anything, sorry. :)

Trusting in the Future vs. Trusting in God

So lately I've been pondering the future, simply because I have no idea whatsoever I'm going to do with mine. Many might be confused because I try and play it off as no big deal, like I prefer it that way, but the truth of the matter is that I worry about it a lot. It's kind of unsettling not knowing where in the world you're going with your life.

Yet every time I try and make plans, God stops me. You know those stupors of thought described in D&C 9? Yeah, one of those every single time. "Why?" you ask. Good question; I think I'm just now figuring it out, despite having this problem for a while. (I suppose I can be a little slow sometimes.)

So the shortest explanation is that, at least for right now, the what is not as important as the who (the who being God). See, that is the answer every time I ask about my future: "Just trust me." (My response back is usually something like, "Well frick." Probably not the best way to respond to God, but He and I have a mutual understanding.)

See, I think God has long realized something about me that I'm just now coming to realize. If I were to have my entire future planned out, knowing when I was going to accomplish what and how, I would probably center my life on that rather than God. God, being the omniscient being that He is, has thus let me know in no uncertain terms that I am not to plan my future; He's got things figured out already. Thus I'm pretty much left with no choice, but I'm pretty sure I'll be better off this way. (And by 'pretty sure,' I mean 'definitely sure.')

Friends vs. Acquaintances

So not too long ago I had an experience which caused me to think (this happens a lot). I was with a group of friends and we played one of those mind-teaser games; there are a number of them out there. Well, suffice it to say I was not one of the quickest at figuring the game out (I still think too much into things, but I'm working on it).

Anyway, after the game, I was explaining to the other people there why it took me so long. As most people know, one way to deal with embarrassment is to kind of rationalize it, explain it away as normal. However, there is another reason for sharing this same information, and it has to do with the difference between a friend and an acquaintance.

What makes an acquaintance a friend for you? There is something qualitatively different between how we feel about a friend as opposed to an acquaintance, but when and why does that difference occur? As one of the people kept saying, "It's okay, Peter," I kept thinking But that's not why I'm sharing this with you. So it kept bugging me, but I kept sharing it, hoping to get a different response, the desired response. It never came, which is why I started thinking about this.

For one, I kept wondering why the person was reacting the way they did, because that's not at all what I was going for. It's only after I realized how misconstruable (is that a word?) my actions were. After realizing this, I thought about the real reason for sharing what I did, what seemed to be my rationalization for acting embarrassingly. Also, what response was I looking for exactly, because all I knew is that it wasn't the one I got.

I realized that I was hoping for a similar response from those I was talking to, hoping that they would share their thought processes during the mind-teaser game. I also realized what, at least for me, is the difference between a friend and an acquaintance. I could know the birthday, major, career, where they grew up, went to college, whatever of someone and they could still be an acquaintance. What makes them a friend is when I know something of what makes them them. When I know something of how they think, what makes them tick, their passions/desires/hates/loves, something that gives me an insight into what makes them them; that's when they go from the acquaintance column to the friend column. Oh, and they have to know something about what makes me me as well.

Planning

(So it's been far too long since I've written something here, for which I apologize, and I'll try to be better in the future. I can't promise anything more than that, though.)

So the topic of planning has come up in my recent conversations. This is something I've thought a lot about, mostly because I'm incapable of doing it. No, it's not an I-won't-do-it thing, it's an I-can't-do-it thing. Trust me, I've tried. On the mission, you're supposed to plan every hour of every day and have daily, weekly, and monthly goals, and that kind of worked for me, but not entirely.

But all the recent conversations I've had on this topic have caused me to think about it. Mostly it's come up in my psychology classes, because there are a lot more girls than guys, and let's be honest, girls, on average, plan a lot more than guys. They write down all their homework assignments in their planners, plan out when they are going to do each assignment, and even have much clearer long-term plans. (Now, I'm not saying that every girl is like nor that no boy is, just that generally speaking this tends to be the case for whatever reason.)

Most of the girls I talk to say that it's simply my attitude that prevents me from planning, that if I were to choose to really plan, it would happen. I am not convinced this is the case. Perhaps I'm speaking too deterministically, but I don't think that everyone's personality meshes well with planning ahead.

Of course, this presents problems with my religion, because I don't even want to try and count how many times I've heard leaders of my church talk about the importance of setting and striving to accomplish goals (not to mention my parents). We should write them down, set smaller goals on the way to achieving our big goal, essentially plan out how we're going to accomplish each goal. By doing this, we'll be able to accomplish more in life.

Perhaps I'm in a very small minority, but my collegiate academic career has been exactly the opposite. Before my mission I used to try and follow this counsel, but I kind of stopped during my mission when my attempts at doing so failed miserably. Since my mission my grades have been better, despite my planning being non-existent. And the funny thing is, I'm pretty sure this is exactly how Heavenly Father wants it. Explain that one.

Evangelicals and their Jesus

Wow, it's kinda been a while since I wrote anything here. I need to get better at that. But hey, if this was my actual journal, it would've been 1 1/2 years, instead of just 1 1/2 months, so that's something, right?

So this last semester I took a class entitled "American Christianity" which I found rather interesting. One of the main current Christian... trends, I suppose you could say, is evangelicalism. They're very big on the whole 'praising Jesus' and 'being saved' stuff. It didn't make much sense the whole time the teacher was explaining it, I'm not gonna lie; but the very last class we had actual evangelicals come and explain it in their own words.

Now, I'm not gonna lie, there's a lot about evangelicals that annoys me, a lot I vehemently disagree with (most notably the rejection of anything even halfway intellectual by many of them). However, as we were having this class discussion the topic of Jesus came up, and the professor said something very interesting. One of the girls had actually converted to the LDS Church and had mentioned to the professor that there had been church services where she hadn't heard Christ's name even once; and entire three hours without talking about Christ.

This got me thinking: have we, as Latter-Day Saints, strayed too far in the other direction? Certainly we must address ways in how we, as individuals and as a whole, can improve; but what about Christ? After all, whatever we attain in faith, virtue, charity, etc. is only a gift provided through the magnificence of the Atonement. I personally feel that evangelicals have strayed too far into the praise-Jesus realm at the expense of the how-can-I-grow/become-better realm; but have I strayed too far in the other direction? (I fully realize that I'm part of the problem.)

I am not saying that Latter-Day Saints do not love Christ or lack a personal relationship with him, but how often is that expressed at church? I think this could play a particularly large role in our bearing of testimonies: Imagine instead of telling some random story followed by a rote recitation of "I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet," or "I know Jesus Christ lives," you could say "Jesus Christ saved me. My world was dark, dreary, and without hope; my world is bright, joyful, and without impossibilities." Imagine the passion you would put behind the latter statement. For nor matter how great your world may seem right now, when compared with what God could make of it through the Atonement of Christ, it would seem dark, dreary, and without hope.

So, again i ask: Have we strayed too far away from "praising Jesus?" I leave it to you to answer that for yourself.